What’s Up With That is a blog series in which I explore how I have been feeling and some of life’s most important questions. These posts are unedited (apart from the odd spelling mistake) and not pre thought about. They are what’s on my mind during the ten minutes that I take to write about them.
Having created my 2017 goals I have felt more inspired to write than ever. The last goal was to dare to date again as I have written a couple of times that I am starting to feel the need to have somebody to share things with again.
I feel the need to write, what could be quite a personal post, because I feel that the only representation that we see of single women in TV shows, film and the like is either images of sad, wallowing, girls who are desperate to be in a relationship or they are portrayed as casual sex, crazy, party obsessed gals about town and neither are what it has been like for me! So here is my two cents…enjoy!
Just looking for a guy who wants my second ice cream!
My last relationship was a really great and super serious one. It lasted 2 years and I’m not going to go into anymore detail about it other than one part of the reasons as to why it ended was because I was really struggling within myself. I was quickly putting weight on and I lost control of what I was eating, drinking and thinking. I needed to be alone. That is nearly…could it be…two years ago and I feel like a completely different person. I have taken those two years and have really worked on myself. It has been the toughest thing that I have ever done but the person that I am now is a fitter, more positive, and happier version of me. It is wonderful.
Now that I am feeling this way I think it may be time to let the right one in again. But who is that person…other than Obama?
Being 28 and very, very single a lot of people ask me what it is like. These can be envious friends who desperately miss their single days or loved up cuties who couldn’t ever imagine not ever not having a +1 again…well let me tell you, whatever your Facebook status may be, it is one of the most wonderful shittest things in the world.
I think one of my biggest fears coming out of the past relationship was that I was going to feel lonely. And I do. I do feel lonely. I don’t feeling this way all of the time, it’s more that I get these bouts of loneliness that come when you don’t have one person to lay things onto, to tell about your day, to ask for their help with decisions and advice and instead you have to spread yourself thinly across your friends and family. It is in these moments when I find myself in decision making mode of who to tell things to that I realise how lonely I can feel.
Lots of people tend to also ask us single gals: ‘How do you cope when your friends are in relationships and how do you deal with couples?’ I would say the majority of my friends are in relationships and do you know what, its fantastic. If somebody else is in a relationship, that is their situation. I think that when you feel that you have to cope with that situation, and cope is the word that you choose to use, it tends to mean that it is because their situation is impinging on what you are trying to do or you are making a comparison. When I start to find myself having to cope it is because I have built up their relationship to be something it isn’t-perfect. It is so easy to forget what it is like to be in a long term relationship. They are beautiful but they are also work. When I stop building them up as these ‘perfect things’ I stop comparing myself so much and keep my jealously in check!
I also think that we all need to be working towards creating a world where being single isn’t a weird thing to be. How is it that we have put being in a relationship on a pedestal- culturally, socially, emotionally and also legally and financially. Being single is something that I have chosen to be but you find that as you get older being in a relationship holds the key to certain social circles, or levels of society. This is bloody weird. I find that as a woman, I get asked about love, romance or relationships more than I do about my career or other interests. Come on World. It is bloody 2017 for Christ’s sake. There is more to a woman then who she chooses to be or not be with. I never think that I have to be in a relationship to keep functioning, to survive, or to be OK. I have been single for the past two years and am in a far better place mentally then when I was with someone. I am doing fabulously. I haven’t done something wrong because I have chosen to be single- we must stop making women feel this way!
One of the best things about being single and having been single for a relatively long amount of time is that I know that I can do it on my own. I have spent the past two years not living at home, not relying on my parents (too much) and also not relying on a partner, financially or emotionally. I know that I am capable. There is no doubt in my mind that I can do this whole thing, the whole of life alone and that is actually a cool feeling. I have such a solid foundation, especially after working on it for the past two years. I now know that when bad things happen I may dip low but my rock, which I have created and provide for myself is now high up so when I do fall it catches me high. I can rely on myself. I have got this!
I have also come to the realisation recently that whilst I know i’ve got this thing handled alone I would actually quite like to be with someone again. I have flirted with dating over the past four months but nothing has really progressed into anything all that stable or committed. I think that I am quite normal in the way that when I do meet someone I like my brain starts to picture me going the whole way with that person- marriage, kids, the works. I do that with everyone I date or sit across from on the tube. Don’t we all? It is these thoughts that have led me to start to date again.
I have also been thinking about what love is recently to as someone asked me the other day if I thought love was a feeling or a choice. My immediate reaction was that it was a feeling but the more I sit and think about it the more my mind has started to change. I think that the act of falling in love is a feeling but staying in love is a choice. You see so many couples that have been together for decades and decades and maybe somedays they don’t feel love towards their partner but they choose to stay there, they choose to love that person and I think that that is even more special. Actively choosing to love someone is really something I really admire…says the woman who has been single for the past two years..what does she know about love!
So there you have it. 1278 words that put together my views, opinions and where I am at at the moment about being single and love. I would love to know your thoughts on this too, let me know below! It would really mean a lot!
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