What’s Up With That is a blog series in which I explore how I have been feeling and some of life’s most important questions. These posts are unedited (apart from the odd spelling mistake) and not pre thought about. They are what’s on my mind during the ten minutes that I take to write about them.
I love to think that I am the type of gal who could get on with anybody and most of the time I really can. But then every now and then you meet someone that you just can’t deal with in a rational way. Their presence just gets your back up for some reason and the older that I get I am finding that I am becoming less tolerant of these people as I simply don’t have the same desire to be loved by all that I used to have when I was younger. I wrote about this in one of my last What’s Up With That posts here: Popularity.
So the less tolerant I become the harder I am finding it to deal with, talk to and be around people that I just cant get on with and I have found myself having to learn how to be around these people. I have sat down today to try and work out what it is about these people, myself included, to see why we clash. The more I think about it the more I realise that they tend to be people who have different morals and values to my own and people that think differently to the way that I do. Now don’t get me wrong. I ain’t everybody’s cup of tea. I am fully aware that there is many the person who doesn’t like to spend time with Sophie Blunt and do you know what…I am completely fine with that. This is so differently to the way that I would have felt 10 years ago and even at points last year. We don’t have to be everybody’s bestie nor do we have to like one another but I don’t want to spend my time feuding with, or giving these people more time and head space than I have to. We have to co-exist, we have to work together, we have the same friends, we will bump into each other constantly. I have been trying to do it in a more positive way and think that it is something that we could all try harder at!
I thought that I would put together some ideas of things that I am going to try and maybe you might want to try them out to so that when having we are having to deal with those we wouldn’t choose to spend our time wit it makes it a little easier.
1. Look at these people as other human beings.
They are not perfect, they have their faults, own opinions and beliefs and whilst they may be very different to mine they still count. It can be hard to grasp that they are their own person and whatever they believe is their prerogative, not mine. I can not influence them or make them come around to my way of thinking, however much I would like to….and God would I love to! I really value differences in people and a huge number of my closest friends think completely differently, in such a wide range of topics and ideals and ideas to me and I love the debates and conversations that this leads to. What I find difficult is when people have such an extreme opposite opinion to my own. I will always be anti guns, Trump and capital punishment and will never understand how anybody could think differently. I will always support the LGBT community and celebrate diversity. How others can’t do this too baffles me and I have little time for it. I am aware that it is something that I need to be more patient with. I just find that so very hard!
2. Stop being on the defensive.
Something that I have been trying to do more recently is attempting to not be on the defensive all the time. If there is somebody that I don’t see eye to eye with, or get along with I am trying not to put up walls when dealing with this person. If I’m honest my first reaction is to be: ‘get the f away from me, I want nothing to do with you.’ I think on the most part there is a little bit of goodness that you can take away from each person and learn from them too. I don’t want to be the person (and I don’t think that I have ever been this person) that simply cuts people out who don’t agree with 100% of what I have to say as I am fully aware that some of what I have to say is also utter rubbish. I also need to try and depersonalize what they have to say. I can oftern find their remarks cutting, or interpret them as if they are trying to put me down. I’m sure they are not, or maybe they are, but why should I care? I will always try to never make anyone else feel this way!
3. Look internally.
Sometimes you have to sit down and think internally about why you don’t want to explore the opinions of others, or where other people are coming from. This is something that I have to work on a lot! When you come across someone who you find abrasive then oftern trying to figure them out is the last thing that you want to do. However, I believe that every human being, no matter how difficult it can be is worth that time. I want to look inside of myself and to analyse why they make me feel these strong emotions, what is it about myself that makes me not able to deal with them- do they make me feel insecure, angry or unsafe? Or is it others that influence my way of thinking about this person. I want to give people more time. I want to try to understand and see what I can learn from them.
I think exploring different point of views is admirable and being able to take something away from each person is an hallelujah moment! Especially when it is becoming clearer every single day that we live in a World more divided by opinions, beliefs and ideals than ever before. I want to always be thought of as the person that tries to see the best parts of people, to celebrate these good parts and lets other’s differences teach me new things about this planet that we, like it or not, all coexist on. Sometimes it is the hardest thing to do but then all the best things are.
How do you deal with people that you find difficult to be around? Give me some tips below and lets get the conversation started!
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